


April Fool for You

by SailorPortia



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Anime Spoilers, Bodyswap, Borderline lewd at some points, F/F, First Kiss, It gets weird at the end, Post-Canon, Rated T for language, Resolved Sexual Tension, What Have I Done, Yuri, rated t for sexual references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 07:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14183502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorPortia/pseuds/SailorPortia
Summary: Croix has returned to Luna Nova to play an April Fool's Day prank on everyone. What could go wrong? Akko and Diana wake up in each other's bodies and have very intense feelings on that subject.





	April Fool for You

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure it was April Fool's Day somewhere when I posted this. This is what happens when you can only write by forcing an arbitrary holiday-based deadline.

After more than a month of apologizing, begging, and ass-kissing, Croix Meridies was permitted to return to society and, more importantly, Luna Nova Academy. She arrived at the school's campus shortly after midnight, not able to wait to come back to where she truly belonged. The magical authorities hadn't exactly been pleased with her after the whole Noir Spirit missile debacle, and they were only willing to let Croix go if she could prove she had learned the error of her ways. So of course Croix said whatever she had to get free again. She had swallowed her pride with surprising ease, like a basilisk unhinging its jaw. Her case was that her plot was motivated by her desire to unlock the Grand Triskelion, as well as her bitter envy of Chariot; the world-shaping magic had already been unsealed by Atsuko Kagari, and Croix and Chariot had already mended things between them, so logically she had no reason to continue her megalomaniacal pursuits. The old windbags of the National Witches Council bought it hook, line, and sinker.

It wasn't that Croix was insincere. She didn't have any plans that would endanger anyone's life. But the witches arbitrating her case fetishized tradition to comical extents, which meant they blamed magitronics for the missile debacle (nothing was said about the boring mundanes keeping weapons of mass destruction lying around where anybody's magic could monkey with them). Croix was forbidden from experimenting with magitronics without adult supervision. Fortunately, that stipulation made it easier for Croix to convince the council that she should be allowed to return to Luna Nova. Where better to put her than a school with a dozen qualified witches to keep an eye on her?

The older witches wouldn't be keen on the idea of supervising Croix's experiments, but there was a convenient loophole available: Chariot du Nord. Chariot had a long and storied history of not being able to say no to Croix. There's no way she could resist Croix's request to watch over her magitronics work. _Chariot has never needed anybody to ask her to watch me work_ , Croix thought with a smirk.

But in all seriousness, Chariot was open-minded enough to not dismiss her work out of hand. She understood Croix's enthusiasm for magic and wouldn't step on her dreams of advancing magical theory. Now that the Grand Triskelion was over and done with, she had no other avenue to make her name in the world of magic.

Croix's mind wandered to thoughts of Chariot's little protégée, the irrepressible Atsuko Kagari. Croix had resented her at first, not only because she had succeeded Chariot as the wielder of the Claiomh Solais, but also because Croix was envious of the attention the girl got from Chariot. But Akko's charm was impossible for even a heartless bitch like Croix to resist. Croix admired the girl's disregard for outdated tradition, and her interest in magitronics endeared her to her (now former) egoistic magitronics professor. And despite everything Croix had put her through, Akko had forgiven her. Maybe she could recruit Akko to her cause of revolutionizing magic. As a side benefit, a closer relationship with Akko would give her an excuse to spend more time with the girl's current mentor...

She looked at the tower which housed Chariot's room. Her face softened. Croix had messed things up big-time with Chariot during her last time here. This time she would make things right. She'd start off the right way, apologizing for all her sins (or at least an abridged list of them). She'd make nice with Chariot, rekindle their friendship, get things back to the way they were before she had let the Claiomh Solais had come between them. She would become Chariot's closest, most trusted friend.

And then she would go in for the kill.

Croix snickered as her mind filled itself with fantasies of the infinite ways she could woo Chariot. She particularly favoured the idea of literally sweeping of her feet, imagining her cape fluttering in a dramatically convenient breeze as she held the woman of her dreams in her arms...

But that would have to wait. For now she had to focus on how to make her entrance in the morning. Naturally, Miranda Holbrooke had been asked if Croix could be allowed to return to teach for the next school year (obviously she had accepted), but the headmistress was the only person who had been notified of her return. Croix had to decide how she should frame her return. Should she embrace her theatrical side and return in as stylish a manner as she had first appeared? Should she embrace modesty and humility to make a good second impression?

Suddenly she thought of Akko. What would appeal to her? Croix had an obligation to make amends to Akko more than anyone at the school. She considered the girl's qualities: she was earnest, her wonderment with magic was unparalleled, she was a bit of a troublemaker...

Inspiration hit Croix like a bolt of lightning. She checked her phone's calendar to make sure she was right. April first.

Croix laughed, sounding like the villain she had once been. April Fool's Day! What was the point of coming back with her tail between her legs when she had the perfect excuse to make some noise. The professors could a little excitement in their lives, and there wasn't a doubt in her mind that Akko would get a kick out of what she had in mind.

Which just goes to show that Croix still had a little work to do when it came to magically messing with other people.

*******

Akko woke with as start. On old-fashioned alarm clock was ringing on a table at her bedside, which confused her because she didn't have an alarm clock or a bedside table. She batted at the alarm clock until the alarm went off. She sat up in a bed that wasn't hers and looked around the strange, unfamiliar room. She was vaguely familiar with this room, she soon realized. It was Diana's room. Which meant she had been sleeping in Diana's bed.

"AAAAAAAAAAACK!!" Akko sprung out of bed, blushing furiously. "Why am I in Diana's room!?" she said, hoping someone else had the answer, because she sure as hell didn't. She couldn't think of a single, solitary reason she would've ended up in Diana's bed. Well, she could think of one reason, but that reason was paradoxically unthinkable. "No way! No way! No way!"

She looked around Diana's section of the dorm room and couldn't find the girl herself. Akko moved to peer around the divider to see if she was somewhere else, but she found herself teetering over. She fell to the ground in a heap. Akko was clumsy, but she wasn't so clumsy that she couldn't walk in a straight line. She felt uncoordinated, as if she was unused to her own limbs.

"Is something wrong with me?" she said aloud, hoping again that someone else could help her out. She picked herself up and tiptoed around the wall.

The first thing she saw filled her with horror: Hannah and Barbara. Akko had no idea what she was doing here, but in any event the last thing she wanted was those two catching sight of her here so early in the morning. But Hannah and Barbara were too busy to notice her, muttering amongst themselves and gesturing wildly.

Akko looked around for something that might give her more context, but what she found only confused her more. She saw a mirror, which would've been fine if it weren't for the fact that she saw _Diana_ in the mirror.

The professors at Luna Nova were quick to accuse Akko of being slow, but this was one situation she could grasp immediately. Perhaps it was her previous experience with that one cursed mirror that clued her in. Regardless, when Akko saw Diana's reflection in the mirror, she knew at once that she currently looked like Diana, and given that Diana herself wasn't around...

"I _am_ Diana," Akko said in awe, putting her hands—Diana's hands—to her face—Diana's face.

Hannah and Barbara finally noticed her. "Diana!" they said in unison. "You won't believe what happened!"

"Um, what's up?" Akko said, then cringed. That phrase was far too colloquial for Diana's blood, and Hannah and Barbara picked up on it immediately.

"Oh for Jennifer's sake," Barbara groaned. "It's happened to you two, hasn't it?"

"Um, maybe?" Akko said.

"We switched bodies in our sleep," Hannah explained.

"Why'd you do that?"

"We didn't do it on purpose, you buffoon!"

Barbara cut in before the back and forth could continue. "When we woke up, Barbara was in my body and I was in Hannah's," Barbara—Hannah, rather—said.

"I bet that happens to you two a lot," Akko said slyly, wiggling the index and middle fingers on her right hand.

"Literally shut the hell up," Barbara said.

"You're pretty obviously somebody else in Diana's body," Hannah reasoned. "With a mouth like that, I'm guessing that's Amanda O'Neill in there." Her face—Barbara's, actually—made it clear what she thought of that.

"It's Akko, actually."

Barbara and Hannah groaned in unison. "Just our luck," Hannah said. "We were hoping the best witch in Luna Nova could help us out, but now the worst witch in the whole school is behind her steering wheel."

"Oi! That's harsh!"

"This isn't your fault, is it?" Barbara shot her a suspicious look.

"I have no idea what's going on either!" Akko said. "You think I want to run around looking like Diana?"

"It's definitely an improvement," Barbara said.

"Why do you two want to switch back, anyway?" Akko sniped. "It's not like most people know which of you is which anyway."

"Eat my entire ass, Atsuko Kagari," Hannah said.

"Your ass your ass, or Barbara's ass your ass?" Akko asked.

"Ugh, you are such a smartass."

"Well, yeah. Diana's got a smart everything, ass included."

Barbara made a noise like a wounded cockatrice. "We don't have time for all this ass talk. We need to figure out what's going on so we can fix this. We need Diana."

"If I'm in her body, she must be in mine," Akko mused.

"It's our best guess," Barbara agreed.

"Let's get dressed so we can go find Diana," Hannah said. The three girls were still dressed in their nightgowns. Barbara and Hannah shuffled off to their corner of the dorm room. "No peeking at us," Hannah said sternly.

"Or at Diana's body," Barbara said sterner.

"How am I supposed to do that!?" Akko spluttered, face turning red at the thought. But the other girls ignored her.

Akko retreated behind the divider, mentally walking herself through the process of undressing and dressing a body that belonged to Diana. She fumbled with the drawers in Diana's dresser as she tried to find where her new body's owner kept her school uniforms. Eventually, she found all the requisite articles of clothing, which left here with the Herculean task of putting them on... after taking her nightgown off...

Akko gulped. "I'm sorry Diana!" She scrunched her eyes shut and undressed as quickly and chastely as possible. The nightgown went over her head in an instant. Easy enough. Her heart beat with the force of a battering ram as she tried to extricate herself from her underwear without touching Diana's skin.

Once she was free of the hell of undressing Diana's body she was forced to pass through the purgatory of dressing herself.   
Fortunately she'd had the foresight to lay the clothes out on the bed in order. With her eyes still closed tighter than a dragon's wallet, she groped for the clothes, trying to ignore that she now had to put underwear _on_ Diana's body. She had done her best to pick something innocent—not that Diana had anything jaw-dropping in her underwear drawer. Nevertheless Akko was hyperconscious through the whole process. In the end she picked the first colour-coordinated combo she could find.

Akko tried to assuage her own tensions about the situation. _It's okay_ , Akko thought as she dressed. _We're both girls. It's fine_. But Akko didn't feel fine. I'm sure Diana wouldn't mind. We're friends, after all. But every time her fingers brushed against Diana's skin— _it's so soft and smooth_ —her friendly thoughts toward Diana became a bit more scandalous. Akko's heart had skipped quite a few beats as of late whenever Diana was around, but one could hardly blame her—she literally held hands with Diana on the edge of space. If that's not gay, nothing is. But Akko would have to squash her growing attraction to Diana if she was going to survive the next few minutes.

Her heart function held out long enough for her to put Diana's school uniform on. It felt bizarre to be wearing someone else's clothes but have them fit perfectly. Diana was significantly taller than Akko, and more... developed... in certain areas. Akko suppressed all incoming thoughts. The oddest thing was the skirt length. She could've adjusted it to the length she was accustomed to, but decided it would've been disrespectful to Diana. Furthermore, the thought of flashes Diana's thighs being seen by people who weren't her made Akko feel weird and jealous.

"Are you done over there?" Hannah shouted from the other side of the divider. "We want to get this sorted out today, you know!"

Akko finally opened her eyes. She was fully dressed and as presentable as she could manage without holding things up any more. She joined Barbara and Hannah.

"Let's get going!" Akko said enthusiastically. She caught sight of herself in the mirror and saw a Diana with very Akko-like posture. It was so weird. They needed to fix whatever had gone wrong as soon as possible. Akko just hoped that things were going easier for Diana than they were for her.

*******

All things considered, Diana found her current situation more intriguing than concerning. Body switching wasn't outlandish, compared to some more complex magic. Transposing two souls was relatively simple and in theory the solution was just as simple.

However, the circumstances and scope of the spell introduced complications. Had it only been Diana and Akko who had swapped bodies, the matter would not have been worthy of thought. As it were, Sucy and Lotte had also swapped bodies, a fact which indicated that something more was at play. Additionally, the enchantment had occurred when those affected had been asleep. No one involved had cast a spell. Diana was tempted to blame some concoction of Sucy's for the incident, but that would not have explained how she and Akko had swapped bodies, what with their being separated by a not insignificant distance. No accident with a potion could be blamed, and Sucy swore that Akko was her one and only guinea pig.

Diana could only conclude that the odds of only four people—one of whom slept in a separate room—being randomly affected were astronomically slim. It was far more likely that whatever had caused this was affecting everyone in the area.

Naturally, such an unusual development involving magic aroused Diana's interest. But at the moment Diana had something far more pressing on her mind.

Two things to be exact.

"Akko keeps herself in shape better than any witch I've ever met," Diana said clinically as she openly stared at her legs—Akko's legs, rather.

"The idiot's got to be good at one thing," Sucy drawled from Lotte's mouth. Sucy's rendition of Lotte was a sight to behold; the normally shy and cheery girl now projected Sucy's gloomy demeanour, complete with her hunched posture.

On the other hand, it was downright bizarre to see Sucy's body fidgeting and nervous, with intermittent beaming grins. It seemed she was revelling in the experience of being able to see clearly without glasses.

"How can you stand these things," Sucy said, adjusting Lotte's glasses. "It's weird having something sitting on your nose. I miss having peripheral vision."

"I have my own problems here," Lotte said. "What's the sharp teeth thing about anyway? I think I almost bit your tongue off a second ago."

Diana ignored the bickering of Akko's roommates. She lifted herself off Akko's bed and conjured a mirror to get a better look at her temporary vessel.

"It's so weird seeing Akko using magic properly," Sucy cackled.

Diana was too focused on her own reflection to respond. She was so absorbed in what she saw that she didn't even notice that Lotte and Sucy changed clothes and exited the dorm to get a better picture of what was going on. The girl she saw in the mirror was a vision of an Akko of aristocratic upbringing. Her posture was impeccable, her composure worthy of a royal court. She stood with one arm across her chest, upon which she rested her elbow, her hand holding her chin in a dignified manner. Her expression was neutral, her eyes cool and calculating, as though assessing Diana to judge if they were equals. It perplexed Diana to see behaviour with which she was so familiar—her own behaviour—look so alien in someone with whom she was equally familiar. It was so unlike Akko. The dissonance was uncanny.

And yet something of the idea of an aristocratic Akko ensnared Diana. She wondered what their relationship might have been had Akko been raised by a family of witches as established as the House of Cavendish. Diana tried to imagine Atsuko of the House of Kagari. It was plain that the difference in abilities between them was merely a difference in educational opportunities, not something as vulgar as breeding. Both had been robbed of their magical powers by the Dream Fuel Spirit, but Diana had recovered due to the expectations that a Cavendish must be a peerless witch. Diana imagined a timeline in which Akko was a family friend and they spent their childhoods together recovering their lost magical potential. Akko would have been her closest companion, closer even than Hannah and Barbara. She would've had someone to break up the monotony of the nobility's social events. She dreamed of an Akko she might've attended a formal ball with...

Mirror-Akko's went up in flames as a flush blazed across her face. Diana silently berated herself for allowing her thoughts to stray in that direction. Akko was a friend, and such thoughts were improper, especially when thinking such thoughts in Akko's own body. Akko's very athletic body.

Diana couldn't help but notice Akko's body, given that so much of it was freely on display. Diana couldn't be held accountable for waking up in sleepwear she had not herself chosen. And what a choice Akko had made. The white T-shirt wasn't transgressive, but those shorts left little to the imagination. Not that Diana's imagination was taking a rest at this moment. Akko was notorious around Luna Nova for the length—or shortness of her skirt. Diana was no stranger to the sight of Akko's legs, but it was quite another thing to find oneself attached to those legs. Scars traced the firmament of Akko's legs like constellation, and Diana was famously accomplished at astrological readings. Like the constellations, every scar told a story. Diana was given to understand that many of them were due to Akko's childhood attempts to fly a broom, but many more had untold stories. Stories Diana was eager to learn. She imagined herself pointing to each scar, Akko regaling her with the tale behind each and every one of them. Diana's mind stalled when she tried to imagine how she would get Akko in such a state of undress.

Before Diana could mentally punish herself for her errant thoughts, the door slammed open. Diana spun around, dispelling the magic mirror as she did.

Diana's body stepped into the dorm room, flanked by Hannah and Barbara. Diana saw herself dressed in a manner noticeably less prim than was her usual, her hair slightly dishevelled. What her body lacked in aesthetic perfection it made up with a restless, boundless energy that Diana recognized in an instant.

"Good morning, Akko," she said with delight. How could she have ever imagined her friend as anything other than herself? What attracted Diana to Akko was her unorthodoxy, her refusal to conform to tradition or the expectations of others. Akko was exciting because she was so unlike any witch Diana had ever met.

"Good morning to you to, Hannah, Barbara," she added quickly, realizing that her fondness for Akko could have been interpreted as a slight. "You are Hannah and Barbara, no?"

"Yeah, they switched bodies with each other," Akko explained. "Where's Lotte and Sucy?"

Diana looked around the dorm. They had left without her noticing it. She must have been... distracted.

"They went to consult a professor about the situation," Diana invented. "They've been afflicted with the same condition we have."

"You're going to fix things, right, Diana?" Barbara asked.

"If there's anyone who can fix this mess, it's you, Diana," Hannah said.

"Your confidence in me is flattering, girls, but I'm afraid I don't have enough information to make an accurate assessment. The most prudent thing would be to consult with the professors and find out what they know."

What was left unsaid was the assumption that she would have to be the one to solve this problem. Luna Nova's professors were quite knowledgeable and deserved respect as such, but Diana couldn't ignore how many times they had deferred to her in times of need.

"It's so weird to see Akko sounding so responsible," Hannah said.

"It's, like, kind of freaky," Barbara said.

"You girls are the worst! I don't know how Diana can stand you!" Akko pouted in protest.

Diana couldn't help but giggle at the sight of her own face pouting of all things. She hadn't worn such an expression since she was a child, before her mother died and she was forced to act like a witch far beyond her years.

"Will you girls be willing to assist me?" Diana asked.

"We don't want to get in your way," Hannah and Barbara demurred.

"I'll help! You can depend on me!" Akko's pout disappeared in an instant, replaced with an enthusiastic, beaming smile. She stepped toward Diana and clasped her hands in her own.

There was no way Diana could refuse Akko giving her puppy-dog eyes, especially when the eyes were Diana's own. Akko might not have the greatest of magical skills, but Diana knew better than to underestimate Akko in a crisis. She was also keen on making sure her body kept out of trouble.

"Thank you, Akko. There's no one I'd rather have at my side." _In more ways than one_ , Diana added in her thoughts.

"We'll leave you to it." And with that, Barbara and Hannah left.

"We might as well be on our way," Diana said. She was almost out the door before Akko dragged her back into the centre of the room, closing the door with a flick of her wand.

"What is the meaning of this, Akko? We have a job to do."

"Not dressed like that, you don't," Akko said.

Diana realized that she was about to parade through the halls of Luna Nova in those tiny shorts. "Oh. Right."

They both stood still, neither of them uttering a word. After a full minute of silence, Diana spoke up. "Aren't you going to leave while I change?"

"What's the big deal?" Akko said. "It's my body. It's not like I haven't seen it all before."

"Yes, Akko, but I don't want to observed while undressed, regardless of whose body I'm in." By Jennifer, that wasn't a sentence she ever thought she'd ever have to say.

"Oh." Akko turned bright red as the full meaning of the situation hit her. She shuffled nervously around the room, collecting fresh clothes. She thrust the garments into Diana's hands. "Here. It would be awkward for you to go through my things." Without further ado, she turned around and faced away from Diana.

"Thank you," Diana said. "It hadn't occurred to me that... wait..." Diana realized that Akko was wearing a school uniform, and that meant Akko had... that she...

Akko intuited what Diana had just realized. "I didn't look!" she squeaked. "I kept my eyes closed the whole time! I didn't do anything weird, I promise!"

Diana could almost see the sweat pouring off Akko. "I believe you," Diana said quietly. Akko was too innocent to consider such a thing, Diana was certain, and the experience of trying to undress while in a friend's body must have been mortifying. And now Diana had to do the same.

There were a great many things were upbringing as a noble and her education as a witch had prepared her for, but this was not one of them. She hoped her little gay heart could take it.

*******

"I will make sure this calamity is reversed before the day is out," Diana vowed as she and Akko exited the red team's dorm room. Her face was flushed and her temper was visibly shorter than when Akko had first seen her today. Akko wasn't the best at reading people, but even she could tell that the task of changing clothes while in her body had taken a lot out of Diana.

Nevertheless, Diana's appearance was picture perfect, even better than Akko herself. She was correct in every detail, even the length of her skirt.

"Wait, you're going to wear your skirt that short?"

"Naturally. You seem surprised."

"But isn't that improper or something? It's got to be against school rules."

"For the record it is, but I wouldn't presume to impose my own standards on someone else's body. It's as the saying goes, 'when in Akko, do as the Akkos do.'"

"That's not a saying. No one has ever said that before." Akko examined the skirt closer. "You got the length exactly right. How'd you know how much I shorten it?"

Diana blushed furiously. "Akko! We have more pressing issues than the length of your skirt. My skirt," she corrected herself.

Diana stalked off toward the cafeteria. Akko struggled to keep up with her. Apparently Diana needed to work out more. Akko realized she could probably convince Diana to go on jogs with her for health reasons. Then she'd have an excuse to be alone with Diana, and then...

They reached their destination before Akko could finish that exciting thought. The room was filled with students all speaking over each other, each trying to get a hold on the situation. Judging by the amount of uncharacteristic behaviour, the whole school had been affected by whatever had happened. At one table she saw Constanze eating compulsively, Amanda tinkering on a Stanbot, and Jasminka leaning back in her chair like a delinquent. Clearly green team had all switched with each other.

Diana led them to where the professors had congregated. It looked and sounded like a mob. Akko and Diana pushed through the shouting older witches until they spotted the source of the commotion: the witch they'd least expected to see.

"Croix!" Akko exclaimed. "What the heck are you doing here?"

"We know you're the one responsible for this, Croix!" Professor Nelson said in a tone that suggested she was really Finnelan. "You aren't even supposed to be here!"

"Akko! Diana! You have to help me!" Croix said helplessly. She shrunk away from the other professors. Something about the action struck her as distinctly un-Croix. In fact, it reminded her of a certain shy, demure professor.

"Ursula? Is that you?" Akko asked.

"It's me!" Ursula, in the form of Croix, looked like she was on the verge of tears. "Is that you, Akko? Were you switched with Diana?"

It was then that the other professors noticed their two students. There were murmurs of relief that Diana was here to save them. Akko rolled her eyes.

Ursula took advantage of the quiet. "They won't listen to me! I keep trying to them that I'm me, but they keep saying I'm Croix!"

Akko rounded on her other professors. "That without a doubt is Ursula. I know her better than anyone here and that's definitely my teacher."

"Akko!" Ursula shone with pride.

"Croix has way more spine. She totally would've defended herself better than Ursula."

"Akko..." Ursula deflated.

Diana cut in. "However, we can safely assume from Ursula's current appearance that Croix is involved somehow. She must be somewhere on campus."

"That's what I was trying to tell them!" Ursula whined. "I knew something was wrong as soon as I woke up. I found the headmistress and she told me that Croix had requested to be allowed back to Luna Nova and teach again. Holbrooke said yes. Croix was supposed to arrive today, so this must be her idea of a dramatic return."

"In that case, we have to find her," Professor Finnelan said. "We'll have to form a search party and leave no stone unturned."

"There's no need for anything so exhausting," said a voice emanating from outside. "I'll come out to play."

"She's outside!" The professors rushed out of the building with Akko and Diana close behind.

A lone figure stood atop the New Moon tower. It was quite a distance from the ground to the top of the tower, but Akko's eyes focused on the figure for a reason unique to her. Even from a distance she could make out who it was.

"It's Shiny Chariot!" she yelled.

"It's Croix, in Ursula's body," Diana said patiently.

"No, I mean she's wearing the outfit and everything." Akko had spent untold hours of her childhood gazing that outfit (and the rest of Chariot, let's not get pervy) and there's no way she could mistake it.

"What!" Ursula roared. She yelled at Croix with the aid of a megaphone spell. "What on earth are you doing, Croix Meridies!?"

"I'm just having a little fun," Croix replied through a megaphone spell of her own.

"Get my body down from their and take off that ridiculous outfit!"

"Get naked in your body? In front of everybody? Alright, Chariot. You've gotten kinky since I last saw you."

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT I MEAN!"

"Professor Ursula, you're getting off-topic," Diana reminded her.

"What did you do to everyone?" Ursula demanded.

"It's a simple body-switching," Croix said. "Kid's stuff, except on a much larger scale."

"Haven't you learned about messing with large amounts of people using magic?"

"Don't worry, Chariot. There's no evil plan. Honest. I just wanted the day I return to Luna Nova to be memorable." Croix laughed. "You do know what day it is, don't you?"

Ursula paused for a moment while she figured it out. "Wait, this is all an April Fool's day joke? You did all this as a prank?"

"You better believe it, Chariot. It's our great tradition. Remember that time when we were students, when we slipped a fire-breathing potion into Finnelan's—"

"I have no idea what you're talking about!" Ursula lied loudly. "Look, Croix, you better put things back the way they were, or else!"

"Or else what? You'll kick your own ass? Relax, Chariot. The counter-curse is easy as pie. Just think of this as a practical exam for the kiddies. One of them will figure it out. I've got my eye on one of them in particular."

Ursula tried to get more information out of Croix but she clammed up after that final comment. Now they knew the who and the why behind the incident, but they needed to figure out the how.

The professors were no help at all. They were too busy moaning about Croix to offer assistance. Especially Ursula, who looked ready to bite the head off the next person to speak to her.

"What do we do, Diana?" Akko asked.

Diana thought long and hard about. Akko found it interesting to watch her own face thinking that hard about something. Then she realized she must be letting Sucy's comments get in her head if that's how she thought about herself.

"If the curse is a simple as Croix says it is, then it must have been cast in an equally simple way," Diana concluded. "It's not as if she performed a body-switching spell on everybody at school, nor did she spike the cafeteria food with some potion. Such a curse must have been cast in a way that spread it over a large radius without losing potency, in such a way that it equally affected all of us."

Akko felt a cartoon light bulb appear over her head. "Could she have done something to the Sorcerer's Stone?" Akko asked. "That's the source of out magic here."

"That's what I was thinking," Diana said with a smile, apparently glad that Akko was on her wavelength. "A source of magic would be an excellent way of afflicting a large number of witches with the same curse. Additionally, Croix situated herself atop the New Moon tower, where the Stone is. It's our best bet."

"Let's go!" Akko grabbed Diana by the hand and they raced through the school and climbed the tower.

The open chamber housing the Sorcerer's Stone was empty, save for the Stone itself, as per usual. But the Stone wasn't normal by any means; it pulsated with a sickly green aura.

"That's the sign of a curse," Diana declared. "This should be simple to dispel." But it was easier said than done. No matter what spell Diana threw at the stone, they remained occupying each other's bodies. Diana began to yell her spells out of frustration.

Akko tried to think of something she could do to help. Maybe there was something they were missing, some sort of clue. Akko looked around the chamber. She spotted something beneath the Stone: a piece of paper and a paperweight holding it down.

"Diana, can you stop the spells for a second?"

"I don't see why not," Diana half-growled as she put her wand away. "It's not as if I'm having any success."

Akko ducked under the Stone and retrieved the paper. There was a message. She read it. She re-read it.

"I have no idea what this means."

She showed the message to Diana.

"To return to the self, you must embrace the ego," Diana recited.

"What does it mean?"

"Not a singled bloody thing. That's the problem with Croix. She's not as deep as she thinks. 'To return to the self, you must embrace the ego' is a load of nonsense. The ego is the self. This isn't any sort of instruction as far as I can see. What kind of 'practical exam' involves half-baked attempts at philosophy. They really should have locked that woman up and thrown away the key."

"You're really mad about this, Diana."

"Of course I'm mad."

"Because you can't solve the problem?"

"No! Well, yes, but that's only part of it. I'm mad at that woman for doing this to us for the sake of a joke. It's obnoxious and cruel."

"Eh? It's not that bad."

"Oh really? You don't mind being stuck in my body?"

"I mean, it's a pretty great body."

The words were out of Akko's mouth before she could stop herself.

"Pardon?" Diana said, her voice pitching up an octave.

Akko shifted gears into reverse. "I meant, there's nothing wrong with it. Like, I don't want to be stuck in someone else's body, but if I had to switch bodies with someone, it would be you. For purely aesthetic reasons."

"Aesthetic reasons," Diana echoed. "I thought you said you didn't look."

Akko choked. Is that what Diana thought she meant? "I didn't look! I mean, I didn't look today when I was changing."

"But you've looked at me on other days?"

Akko didn't know how to un-dig this hole. "Of course! You're a pretty girl! Everybody likes looking at pretty girls! It's a completely natural thing that has no ulterior meaning behind it!"

"You think I'm pretty?"

Why was Diana only focusing on things like that? Akko tried to rescue herself from what she was sure was a lecture. "You're not _just_ a pretty girl, of course. I'm sure you get told that all the time. You're smart, and cool, and you work hard, and you're always helping other people out. Even the teachers depend on you! I used to think you were a mean old snob, but then I learned that you're actually super nice and sweet when you want to be. You're a totally complex person and I totally wasn't saying you're just pretty."

Akko winced, hoping her word salad had defused some of Diana's... whatever it was feeling. Akko couldn't get a read on Diana's expression, which was an odd thing given that it was her own face.

"You've been thinking about me a lot, haven't you?" Diana asked.

"I guess so," Akko said evasively. She was sure Diana wouldn't appreciate the content of some of her thoughts about Diana, namely the amount of canoodling. "I wouldn't mind being mistaken for you. But I can see why the other way around would bother you."

"Why would being mistaken for Atsuko Kagari bother me?"

"Huh?"

Diana stepped toward her. "You're the witch who brought magic back to the world. You discovered the Seven Words, something that no other witch has done. When we first met, I dismissed you as a trend-chaser with no respect for magic. But I was wrong. Not only did you show me magic, you showed me miracles. Your way of doing things is different, but it isn't wrong. Your magic isn't fully developed for reasons beyond your control, but that's fine. Anyone who judges you for that is blind to your true values."

Akko felt her face heat up from the unexpected praise. "What values?"

"You're a true friend. Being a good person isn't about being the smartest, or winning contests. It's about caring for other people. Do you remember what my family's motto is."

"Affection, right?"

"Exactly. It's a value you exemplify. People have looked down on you because you don't hail from a witch family, but in my eyes, you're our equal, if not our better. You're worthy of being a Cavendish."

Diana's face reddened as she realized a subtle implication of her statement. Akko realized it too, and her face started radiating. They stood there staring at each other, staring at themselves, forced to see themselves in a new light, forced to see each other in a new light.

"Gee," Akko said, breaking the silence, "you make it sound like I'm hot stuff."

"You are, as you put it, 'hot stuff.' I'm not the only one who's noticed."

"That's hard to believe."

"We've all noticed. Why do you think not a single student has reported you for your improper skirt length. Your legs are quite a show."

"Th-that's not what I meant by hot stuff," Akko spluttered.

"Oh." Diana seemed embarrassed by her mistake, but she wasn't backing down.

They were at a crossroads. They had all but screamed their mutual attraction at each other. And here they were, each in possession of the other's body, but not knowing how to get closer to the other.

Akko had no ideas on how to take things from here. But when Akko's head is empty, it reflexively fills itself with the most idiotic, nonsensical thing it can come up with.

"Hey, wouldn't it be weird to kiss your own body?" Akko blurted.

"Yes it would," Diana said with a level voice. "Obscenely so."

"I know, right? It's totally—" Diana lost her chance to hear Akko's further thoughts on the subject when she grabbed the front of Akko's uniform and crashed Atsuko Kagari's lips into Diana Cavendish's mouth.

Akko was stunned. One part of her brain told her that she was being kissed by herself, which did not compute. The other part of her brain told her that she was being kissed by Diana, which was freaking awesome.

She gave herself over to Diana, falling into the kiss. This was Akko's first kiss, but she was sure it would always be her weirdest. The typical romance cliché was to marvel at how soft the other girl's lips were, but the other girl's lips were her lips. She had taken her lips for granted and now they were responsible for this mind-blowing moment in her life.

The kiss intensified. Akko reached up and ran her fingers through her own hair, playing with her trademark ponytail. She put her arm around her waist to pull Diana closer and she had never before appreciate how toned and shapely her own body felt. Diana's hands were lost in her own hair, gently tugging at it to excite Akko. They opened each other's mouths to allow their tongues to enter. Akko had never felt more elated. She had secretly longed to be this close to Diana, this intimate, and now they were literally in each other's bodies, holding themselves tightly.

Just when Akko got used to kissing and caressing her own body, she felt something, like a drawn-out spring snapping back into shape. Akko lost her footing and collapsed. Diana quickly followed.

They were both dazed, staring at each other in confusion. And then it struck them that they were staring at _each other_ and not themselves. The curse had come undone.

Akko had no idea how it had happened. Not that she was complaining. She was glad to be back in her own body.

Before Akko and Diana could gather themselves, Ursula suddenly entered the chamber, wearing the Shiny Chariot stage outfit.

"You did it, girls! We're back to normal. How did you do it."

Diana didn't answer, her face deep in concentration.

"We don't know," Akko offered.

"Oh, well. I'm sure Croix will explain when I give her a piece of my mind," Ursula said sternly.

They didn't have to wait long. They heard someone racing up the stairs. Croix burst into the room and spotted Akko and Diana immediately.

"I just knew it would be you two. So predictable. I always figured that Cavendish was the type."

"Are you going to explain yourself, Croix, or am I going to have to kick some answers out of you?"

"Cool it, Chariot. I give up. What do you want to know?"

"How Akko and Diana broke the curse would be a start."

"It's more like Diana was the one who broke the curse."

"Elaborate."

"Here, see for yourself." Croix waved her wand and the discarded message floated up from the floor and into Ursula's hands.

Ursula read over the message several times. Then she groaned. "Are you serious, Croix?"

"It's pretty funny, isn't it?"

"You seriously set up the curse so it would only be broken when one of the affected witches kissed herself?"

Akko and Diana shot each other a look. That's not quite what happened.

Croix laughed. "I always said that most witches are in love with themselves. Especially posh witches. It figures that when one had a chance, she'd make out with herself."

"Really? That's what you were counting on?" Ursula sounded exhausted.

"Hey, it's what I would do, and I figured Diana's a lot like myself. Without the awesome fashion sense, of course."

"Of course. But that was still a big gamble that one of us would figure this out on our own. We could've been stuck like this for ages."

"C'mon, you're acting like I didn't even give you a clue. It's right there."

"Your half-assed riddle barely counts. Was that supposed to be a cross-language pun? Embrace? Embrasser? And a woman who projects as much as you do shouldn't bring up Freudian concepts."

"Everyone's a critic. C'mon, Diana figured it out didn't she?"

"Yes, I did," Diana said at last, with the impassivity usual found in statues. "I figured out your clue, and then I kissed... myself."

"See? No harm done. Let's all take this as a learning experience and get back to our lives. Speaking of which, I still haven't eaten breakfast. Toodles!"

Croix disappeared down the staircase, quickly followed by a furious Ursula. Which left Akko and Diana alone.

Akko cleared her throat. "So, that was lucky."

"It was," Diana agreed.

"You didn't know what would happen?" Akko asked.

"Not a clue. My mind was focused on other things."

"Things like my legs? I've heard they're quite a show."

"The best show since Shiny Chariot."

Akko and Diana laughed.

"Thank Jennifer for April Fool's day," Akko said. Without it, they wouldn't have shared that magical moment.

"Did you know that April first is also Veneralia, the ancient Roman festival celebrating the goddess Venus? Girls would pray to the goddess for help in their romantic pursuits."

"You know darn well I didn't know any of that."

"Then this is an educational opportunity," Diana said slyly, sidling up to Akko. "Allow me to demonstrate one of the most important rituals."

"Please do," Akko said with a giggle.

They embraced again, ignoring the cold, hard floor beneath them as they lost themselves in each other for the second time that day and the first of many times yet to come.

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly have no idea what happened here. I didn't start this fic expecting it to be this gay and this long and this weird. I hope everyone is as confused reading this as I was writing it.


End file.
